22 Things I've Learned In 22 Years › ›

1. You’re going to lose friends. It happens. The friends from high school that you made a pact with to be “BFF’s” won’t always last. You’re going to go to different colleges, move away, and lose touch. Of course there are always going to be those few friends you hold on to, but there will be plenty that you will probably never talk to again. It’s sad, but that’s life. You will make new friends in college, and then more new friends in your workplace. And you’ll learn that sometimes it’s better to have a small group of great friends than a big group of good ones.

2. If you have the chance to go to bed early, do it. You’ll thank me. When you’re younger, you think it’s “cool” to stay up all hours of the night, but when you get older you realize the more sleep you can get, the better. And when you’re waking up every morning at 6am for school or work, you’re going to feel a lot better if you go to bed early the night before.

3. Stop looking back and replaying your regrets and mistakes. You can’t change the past no matter how bad you wish you could. So take those things and learn from them. Stop looking at where you’ve been, and focus on where you’ll go. Every single thing that has happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.

4. Don’t ever settle. Whether it is in a relationship, a career, or anything else, you deserve the best.

5. Do what you love and love what you do. The saying, “If you do what you love, you’ll never work a day in your life,” is true. Figure out what inspires you and what your dreams are, and set yourself to accomplish them.

6. Not everyone is going to like you. No matter how hard you try to get people to like you, sometimes it just won’t happen. But who cares? Stop thinking so much about what others think and just focus on you. Most of the time, other people’s opinions don’t matter.

7. It’s okay to cry. Some people think crying is a sign of weakness, but I disagree. Sometimes we just need to let it all out. It’s okay to fall apart for a little while. Don’t bottle up your feelings. It will only make you feel worse. Embrace your emotions and process your feelings. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.

8. Exercise. When you’re young, your metabolism works quickly, but it won’t always be that way. Don’t wait until it slows down to start getting into shape, start exercising while you’re still young. Your body will thank you later.

9. Smile more. It’s the best curve of your body. Sometimes your joy comes from your smile.

10. Put your phone down, and live a little. Today, people are constantly buried in their phones. Instead of talking to someone behind a screen, you should call them up and plan a get-together. It’s so much better talking to someone face to face. And while you’re spending so much time on your phone, you’re missing out on the world around. Open your eyes and look around!

11. Take pictures. Lots of them. If there’s one thing I regret, it’s not taking enough pictures. Pictures are captured memories that you’ll never forget and will always be able to look at and reminisce.

12. “Time flies” isn’t just a cute saying. It’s true. When I was in middle school, I felt like I had just graduated elementary school. When I was in high school, I felt like I had just graduated middle school. Now that I’m graduating college, I feel like I just graduated high school. And before I know it, I will be married with kids, feeling as if I just graduated college. It’s scary. So stop wishing for “Friday to come” every week. Slow down for a second, take a deep breath, and enjoy every single moment that passes by, because one day you’re going to wish that you had them all back.

13. Learn how to cook. You don’t have to be a gourmet chef, but being able to not burn down your house every time you enter the kitchen is a necessary life skill. Also, when you live on your own and don’t have mom’s wonderful cooking anymore, knowing how to cook will be a lot better than eating mac & cheese and hot pockets for dinner every night.

14. Save your money. As tempting as that cute Louis Vuitton bag looks, or those awesome new Lebron sneakers are, you may want to think twice about buying them. It’s okay to buy nice things once in a while, but if you save your money now, you’ll be happy that you did. Whether it be paying off your school loans, your car, or moving out on your own, life gets expensive and you’re going to need all the money you can get.

15. Mom is always right. No matter how much you hate to admit it, it’s true.

16. Never go to bed mad. You won’t wake up feeling any better. If you’re in an argument, try to solve it before you go to sleep.

17. Be grateful for what you have. I’m going to go ahead and use one of the most cliché sayings out there: “You don’t know what you have ‘til it’s gone.” Appreciate every single thing you have while you still have it. And as bad as you think your life is, someone out there always has it a lot worse than you do.

18. Your heart is your best compass. Listen to it. Follow it. Do what it wants and what it says. Your mind will try to intervene every now and then, and sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference, but your heart will never let you down.

19. Tell the people you love that you love them. You can never say it enough. Remind them often. One day they may not be there anymore and it’s better to let them know rather than regret not saying it enough later on.

20. Never, never give up. Life isn’t easy and it isn’t supposed to be. If you don’t succeed, keep trying. You are capable to accomplish anything you set your mind to. If you make a mistake, it’s okay; you’re only human. Take those mistakes and learn from them, but don’t ever let them discourage you.

21. Nobody has it all figured out. Life can be crazy sometimes, and there are many questions we all have that sometimes don’t have answers. No matter how much someone acts like they know it all, they don’t. So don’t let anyone fool you.

22. And last but certainly not least, stop worrying so much. I save this for last because it’s something I struggle with daily. Worrying is my middle name. It’s a negative aspect of my personality and it’s something that I’ve tried so hard to control. “Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy.” Think about the issue and ask yourself if it’ll matter in a week, a month, or a year from now. Chances are, it probably won’t, so stop worrying and start living!

  08/27/14 at 09:03am

Just know that when I’m running on the treadmill, I’m running towards a dick in my mouth.

  08/23/14 at 11:32am

The Divide Between Gay Men And Straight Women › ›

Being gay means accepting that, one day, you could be left behind by the ones you love.

Let me explain. When you’re in your twenties, your straight girlfriends are practically your other half. You spend days attached at the hip, lying around having “I LOVE YOU” marathons, and nurturing an intimacy that’s unparalleled. You share apartments with these women, they become your plus ones, your “In Case Of Emergency Contact.”

Then things start to change. The hetero and homo life paths are linked together until they’re not, until the straight girl gets into a serious relationship and feels the urge to nest and start a family. Gay men, on the other hand, don’t have eggs that need freezing. We feel little pressure to get married. Unlike straight people, we’re not tethered to the traditional markers of adulthood. We marry our boyfriend if we want to (provided that it’s even legal) and the same goes for having children. In a way, it’s liberating. We can ask ourselves, “Do I want kids? Is it even necessary to get married? We’ve gone so long without it; we could just throw a giant party for our friends and family and have that be enough.”

But this freedom comes at a cost. The other day I was hanging out with my friend Kyle, who’s in his thirties and seemingly always surrounded by gay men. His birthday party was basically just like being in a room with a giant penis. Out of the fifty or so guests, I think only five were girls? It was nuts. Literally. So I asked him, “Kyle, what’s up with you only hanging out with gay guys? Where are your girlfriends?” And he was like, “Babe?” and I was like, “Hon?” And he was like, “My GF’s went MIA a few years ago. They all got married and had babies….

“So what?” I scoff. “They can’t just, like, get a sitter and come hang?”

“It’s not like that anymore,” Kyle said. “Trust me, you’ll see what I mean. Once you hit your thirties and your girlfriends start settling down, it all starts to change.”

As hard as it was to hear this rude truth bomb, Kyle’s probably right. Some of my girlfriends who are in serious relationships—not married, no kids—have already ghosted on me so they can lie in bed with their boyfriend and watch House Of Cards ALL DAY LONG. It doesn’t make sense. I know plenty of wifed-up gay guys who are almost a decade older than them and they’re still incredibly social. They go out to the bars, throw dinner parties, and go on vacations with their friends. So does that mean fostering a sense of community is more important to gay men than it is to straight people? Or do straight people just build their tribe with their nuclear family while gay men maintain theirs via meaningful friendships?

The older I get, the more I’m inclined to think so. Seeing all the straight girls I love begin new chapters of their lives feels bittersweet to me because I wonder, “Am I going to become gay roadkill?” I know I’m being a little ridiculous here but I’m sure there’s a nugget of truth to my fears. And I’m not saying this to be critical of straight people or to imply that they don’t give a fuck about their friendships. “They just want to get married, wear performance fleece vests while giving birth to two children, and sing the soundtrack to Frozen as they coast to the heterosexual finish line of life!” No, that’s not it. But it’s also naïve to think that our wants and needs are the same. In the last year or so, I’ve noticed that my single girlfriends don’t want to hang out at the gay bar with me anymore. “There’s nothing there for me,” they’ll say. “I can’t meet anyone.” It’s then that I’ll remember, “Oh yeah, you’re a straight girl who wants to fall in love and not die in a shitty two-bedroom apartment with their gay best friend. Right!” I don’t want that either. Trust! I want to find a husband too. Our end goals are the same but they can’t always be achieved together.

Now, more than ever, I realize the importance of forming bonds with other gay men. I spent so many years resisting these kinds of friendships because I was too insecure to handle it but now I don’t care. I need it. I need to be with other gay dudes who can commiserate about intimacy issues or the messiness of gay sex or discuss The Golden Girls in great detail for two hours without someone being like “zzzzz.” It’s crazy how many of our stories are the same. You enter a room full of gay men who look and act nothing like you but then you sit down and have a conversation with them and you discover just how similar you are. Being gay can often feel alienating and lonely, except in those moments of understanding and connection. Then everything feels golden.

#re  #life  
  08/23/14 at 11:27am

(via pokec0re)

  08/20/14 at 08:58am

(via jonnycantdance)

  08/20/14 at 08:08am
(via thobias)

My turn shall also come:
I sense the spreading of a wing.

Osip Mandelstam (via observando)

  08/17/14 at 10:35am
(via observando)

The only people up at 3 am are in love, lonely, drunk, or all three.

(via wilburchannn)

영국남자 한국특집! // To me, Korea is…

#korea  
  08/13/14 at 08:04am

Problem - Pentatonix (Ariana Grande Cover)

  08/12/14 at 07:36pm

(via ispeakquotes)

  08/04/14 at 10:29pm

hashtag sunday funday (??)

#selfshot  #sunday  #funday  #bored  #help  #sos  
  07/27/14 at 07:48pm

what’s expected of you vs what makes you happy.

#re  #life  #struggle  
  07/26/14 at 08:36pm

(via kushandwizdom)

#re  

summahtime ~

  07/21/14 at 10:15am

Why It’s So Hard To Get Over A Cheater › ›

It is hard to get over a cheater because when you leave the relationship, there are two people you must mourn. One is the asshole who cheated on you, in all their flawed, unfaithful glory. This is the person it is easy to get mad at, the person it is easy to cut off contact with, the person it is easy to talk shit about while you’re out for cocktails with your girlfriends at night. It’s the person you are glad to be leaving because you know that you don’t deserve their bullshit in your life.

The other person you must get over is the person you thought they were. The relationship you thought you had. The trust you so carefully built, not knowing that the foundation was made up of quicksand. It’s not the cheater you are mourning at 4am when you come home from the bar alone and want to call them up to tell them they’re forgiven; it is their intangibly perfect alter-ego. The one you built a life with. The one you poured your trust into. The one you thought was always going to be there, until they weren’t. You hate the person they turned into, but love the person they were. Love the way things were. Love the memory of each blissfully ignorant day with them, so fiercely that it tears you to pieces.

It is hard to get over a cheater because you never get the closure you need. You cannot reason your way to the cause of the cheating — and I strongly encourage you not to try. The back of your mind will only make up reasons that scathe you: you weren’t funny enough or sexy enough or enticing enough. You didn’t pay enough attention. You didn’t make enough time. With every magazine title screaming “Ways to please your lover!” and “How to not scare the good ones away,” you begin to suspect that it was your fault they cheated, not theirs. You know logically this is not true, but it feels true. The harder you search for a reason, the more the truth evades you. A simple lapse in judgment doesn’t seem like an adequate explanation for the hell that you’ve been put through. So you search for a bigger, better reason that is not there.

It’s hard to get over a cheater because the only person you hate more than them is yourself. You hate yourself for falling for them. For investing in them. For turning a blind eye to every red flag that was a clue along the way. You scorn yourself for believing every lie they told, and letting it all come to fruition. You hate yourself for not putting together the puzzle pieces that you were never actually holding.

It is hard to get over a cheater because we are seldom given the chance to properly mourn them. We are encouraged to feel every scathing emotion we can muster toward our unfaithful lovers, but we’re told that we cannot still love them. Cannot miss them. Cannot mourn the loss of that love because we should be too angry to feel sadness. We are not given the chance to go through the regular process of grieving somebody who was once a major part of our lives. And because we try to deny ourselves this process, we exemplify the pain. We feel ashamed for still loving them. Ashamed for still needing to grieve. Ashamed of not being ready to start over right away, even though we know we deserve so much better. Ashamed because it must make us weak to feel anything other than hatred.

It is hard to get over a cheater because the real person we have to forgive at the end of the day is ourselves. We have to forgive ourselves for missing the signs that we couldn’t possibly have seen. For losing a game we never signed up to play. For having a perfectly natural connection with a person who turned out to not be who they said they were. We don’t want to accept that bad things can happen to us without precedence. That we can be fooled and treated unfairly and still end up the loser in the end. We want to believe in the eternal balance of the Universe, which suggests that when we are in pain we have done something wrong. It is hard to get over a cheater because it means accepting the bizarre notion that life can be unfair in the harshest sense of the word.

It is hard to get over a cheater because a betrayal of trust turns your world upside down. And the only way to flip it right-side up again is to give ourselves permission to work through it. To accept what happened. To mourn someone we hate. To grieve a relationship we walked away from. To work through every paradoxical situation we encounter, until we come through on the other side. The side with a clean slate. The side where we don’t just suspect that we deserve better — we know. And the side where we are proud of ourselves for never accepting any less.

#re  
  07/18/14 at 01:00pm